Some of the changes will be less obvious especially for men. You’ll be surprised at some of the things that men do for love. Keep reading to see if you recognize yourself;

Television

Gentlemen, if you know how to “smile with your eyes” and appreciate the differences between polka dots and stripes then you’ve clearly been sucked into watching “America’s Next Top Model” which just happens to be your girlfriend’s favorite show. This can have far reaching consequences including scanning the fall premier schedule for the next series premiere.

Letting your money to the talking

Here’s something a lot of guys do. Rather than develop a way with words, they spend, spend, spend their way into their gal pal’s hearts. They think nothing of dropping a big wad of cash on jewelry, perfume and more. And all because they’re not too good at words (or just think they’re not).

Joining her Yoga class

Just like women are under the impression that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, men think that feigning interest in a woman’s hobbies will get them major brownie points. Which is why, when you heard she loves her yoga class, you signed yourself up for a session. Which is also why you find yourself, on a Tuesday night, trying to bend your body in ways it was never meant to go. All the while wondering if you’ve set the PVR for tonight’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model”.

Of course I’ll drive you there.

This is one of those things that starts small and ends up big. Small as in offering to pick her up for dinner at your place. Big as in she’s going out of town for a family visit and you offer to drive her because, well, you love her and want to spend time with her.

Getting into fights

It all goes back to caveman days. The strongest man attracted the women. And so it goes that men think they must have brawn, and be able to use it, to impress the opposite sex. So when the man and the woman are out together and are confronted by a group of thuggish louts commenting on her body, rather than cross the street he’ll wade into the thick of things and damn the consequences!

Moving

This is a difficult one for both men and women. You finally meet someone you think you could have a future with. Then you’re told she’s moving to the next state at the end of the month. You have three choices; a long distance relationship, cut your losses now or start packing because you’re moving too. Tough choices my friends!

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Having said that, I have been in relationships where before you’re really even aware of it, you’re almost living together, and sharing your finances. It can happen so easily; one of you loses your job and the obvious thing for the still employed partner to do is help out. Sometimes you go through the whole “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” routine for so long that who owes what to whom becomes a bit blurred. And faster than you can say “charge it”, you’re a couple with one bank account.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are couples (so I’ve heard, I’ve never met any) who apparently never have issues of mistrust, entitlement or codependence. The more realistic couples (like most of us) know that in order for their relationship to flourish they need a like minded approach to financial harmony.

Make a list, and check it twice

One of the biggest stressors when it comes to cash is when you look up and realize it’s gone without the slightest clue what you could’ve spent it all on. Head this off by having both of you make detailed lists of regular expenses: rent, bills, gym membership, etc.

Also put what you typically spend in a month on things like shopping and going out. Add on there purchases you wish to make, like a kick butt new mountain bike or season tickets to the theater.

Bring it out into the open

Because talking about money can be incredibly stressful a lot of couples simply avoid talking about it altogether. This is akin to burying your head in the sand; the more you avoid the subject, the more of a sore point it will become. So both of you; get over it.

By talking about money frequently, openly, and without immense worry and pressure hanging over the conversation, it can just be something you two talk about, rather than something you perpetually dread talking about.

Go over lists together

Now that you’ve decided you want to share your financial obligations you need to sit down and compare your lists. Figure out which expenses are shared (things like the rent, household bills) and which are not (clothing, among other things). It’s not as easy as it sounds and some of the expenses will need discussing. You might consider your wine club membership to be a necessity, but will your partner?

Make a fresh start

With a bank account built for two (ie a joint account). This is what you’ll use to pay the joint expenses and save for things you both want, like vacations. No matter how lovey dovey your relationship you should always have your own bank account as well. Use it for things like personal items, presents for your honey, donating to charities your partner doesn’t care about, or, worst case scenario, getting out of Dodge if things go sour.

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Say what? This is decidedly not fairy tale material. What is IS is a real life scenario. So what can you do when the person you’re seeing is moving too quickly for comfort. How do you slow a relationship down without ending it?

1. Don’t delay it, just say it

I admit, this one is rather obvious. Just come right out with it. Unfortunately, it seems that most people I know would rather have root canal without the benefit of anesthetic than confront this problem, or any other, head on.

You need to stop and consider the possibility that your latest amour is simply so smitten with you and excited about future prospects that they just got carried away. Flattering to think about right? Okay, back to reality. Take a deep breath and just tell them that they’re moving too fast for your liking. He or she should quickly realize that the two of you aren’t even on the same book, let alone the same page.

2. Be only as available as you are

Some people, as much as they might feel their space being encroached on, will try to keep up with the advanced relationship pace the other person is setting, just to be nice (and after all, we’re assuming that you’re actually pretty into this person; otherwise, why go through all this trouble to figure this out?).

No matter how they feel about their space being encroached upon, some people just go along with the advanced relationship speed being set by the other person. They’re trying to be nice about it because they’re really quite into this person.

So if you want to slow things down to your comfort level, you need to make yourself unavailable at times. If you have to be at work early tomorrow morning, then make it clear you won’t be spending any time together tonight.

If your new significant other tries to invite him or herself out on nights with friends, tell him or her that eventually, that will be cool but for right now, you want to let things incubate in private between you two for a while.

When the speed demon you’re dating makes noises about that dresser drawer or the key to your front door, and you’d rather not take that step just yet, think of a smaller step that you can take. Few of us are blessed with being a smooth talker, so offering an alternative instead of a rejection will definitely lessen the blow. Repeat step one if necessary.

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Quite frankly the biggest favor you can do your single friends is to set them up with someone. If that’s not an option then simply continue being the awesome friend that you are because awesome friends are something that every single gal needs.

In order to keep on being an awesome friend, keep the following off putting suggestions to yourself;

1. “Stop being so picky!”

Well pardon me for looking out for myself! Let’s get real here; everyone can be picky. Granted, dumping a guy for having weird hair might have been a bit much, but all I hear when you tell me stop being so picky is “you should just settle because you’ll never find everything you want.”

Instead, point out specific instances where she maybe was a little hasty in giving a date the boot and kindly suggest that she be a little more forgiving of people being flawed.

2. “You need to relax it a bit”

Think about what you’d hear if someone said this to you. Chances are you’d interpret it as meaning that women with strong personalities are too intimidating for most men and that she has to choose between being an assertive and successful individual or part of a happy twosome.

Chances are, she wants to find someone who respects and loves her strong presence. Try to point out that there’s a fine line between being badass and independent and overly intimidating and unapproachable.

3. “Suck it up and move on”

A period of sadness filled with loneliness and regret usually accompany your friend’s latest breakup. She know it doesn’t make her very much fun to be around, but as her friend it’s your responsibility to be patient and understanding.

It’s not your responsibility to urge her to get back into the dating field before she feels she’s ready. We all heal in our own way, in our own good time. She doesn’t need you to push her out the door before she’s good and ready. What she does need is for you to be there as she makes her way back to the land of the living.

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Most people believe they know themselves best. Taking that thinking one step further, they reason that no one could possibly find potential matches for them. This is erroneous thinking, and here’s why;

1. Lack of time

Instead of putting it all on yourself to find time for your career, your friends, maybe your kids, taking care of yourself and maybe some kind of dating life, trying putting some of it off on other people! Namely, the dating part.

With which you know your friends are dying to help. Don’t be so controlling; let them set you up from time to time. It might be a disaster but it also might not be. Either way, it’s just a date.

2. If things work out

you’ll have a really interesting “how we met” story to tell everyone. Blind date stories are always super romantic; and who doesn’t love a good romance?

3. Our friends know us really well

Often, they know us better than we know ourselves. Seriously. This is an especially important point if you seem to be dating the same (wrong) kind of person over and over again. You might not be getting something about yourself and/or the people you’re picking. Try letting a really good friend give it a goyou might be surprised at what their outside perception yields.

4. Risk-free dating

Any bad date is a downer regardless of who you happen to go out with. The advantage of a blind date gone wrong is that you never have to see this person again. Which is more than can be said for dating a co-worker or that cute gal that lives upstairs. Blind dating takes the everyday out of your dating life, giving you some breathing room.

5. Your options multiply

When you allow your friends and family to make blind date suggestions you are increasing your date potential. On your own you cast only a small net, but collectively your net will be much bigger and reach a wider pool of potential dates.

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Whether we’re your girlfriend, your date or your best gal pal, we’ve stood by and watched you do it all. Now it’s time for some practical advice about what you’re doing wrong. And after you read this you’re never going to do them again, right?

1. Paying more attention to the TV than your serious conversation

Things like the tv, video games, texting, playing online games etc take your attention away from the conversation at hand, and that’s never a good idea. Your lady friend is going to think you’re the bees knees if you give her your undivided attention. So find the off switch and use it.

2. Lying about your relationship status to yourself and others

If you know the type of relationship you want, that’s great; just make sure the rest of us know too. If being in a monogamous relationship isn’t your thing, then once again, you need to fill us in. Granted, women frequently use the “boyfriend” word too soon, but just as often, men avoid it like the plague.

If you’re spending lots of time with one chick, have had sleepovers, she’s met your buddies and maybe you’ve met hers and you aren’t currently doing these things with other people; you have a girlfriend. Sorry. If you don’t like it, change it.

3. Questioning the purpose of flowers

Or other little things that women like that seem really illogical to you. Yes, we know flowers will die in a few days and that, in principle, spending money on them is silly. But we love them. And more than that, we love that you got them for us. And even more than that, don’t bring reason into the arena of small emotional pleasures.

Your girl likes what she likes and you should be less concerned with breaking down the why and focusing more on the how as in how it makes her feel and how it makes you look awesome.

4. Double standards are a two way street

I’ve got to say, men are worse about this than women. I’m not one for making gross over-generalizations, but this is truth. You don’t want your girl so much as looking at another dude when you’re out but if she shows the slightest sign of jealousy over your all out flirt-fest with a hot bartenders, you rant about how it didn’t mean anything and you still need to be allowed to have a conversation and blah blah blah. We know. We get it. But if you want, you’ve got to give. That’s all we’re saying.

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Of course in order for a couple to function efficiently, you should play to each other’s strengths and weaknesses. For instance, my boyfriend is terrible at remembering birthdays while I keep a meticulous calendar. That’s doesn’t make me his doormat, it just makes us a smart couple. I remind him about upcoming birthdays he needs to remember and he goes shopping.

Which led me to ponder the fine line between being an awesome and supportive girlfriend and being a doormat (or making him your doormat). To that end, here are two key areas where you need to be careful.

Do: Stand by your man Don’t: Take over his battles

It’s one thing to literally stand by your man when, say, you’re at a (his) family function and he suddenly gets into it with his mom about whether or not his chosen career path is a waste of his time leading to ultimate failure and misery. Hell, even if you agree with her, in this instance, have your dude’s back

I know you want his family and his mother in particular, to like you. But you need to remember that you’re on his team. That’s why you’re there. If he wants your opinion on the matter you can tell him later, in private. In the face of opposition however, solidarity is called for.

Having said that, don’t fight his battles for him. Resist the urge to jump in there like you’re his representative or something. While you might think you’re doing him a favor, in reality you’re going from supportive to emasculating.

Do: Place your trust in him Don’t: Be foolish

I’ve always felt that it’s much easier to be the jealous type than the trusting type. The jealous type gets to indult in a daily dose of insecurity. While it may be easier, the cost is high. Spending your days trying to catch your man doing goodness knows what with goodness know who is a guaranteed to drive you nuts. Plus it’ll send your relationship into a tailspin from which it won’t recover.

Unless the guy you’re dating is a serial jerk and has a history of bad behavior, chances are you’re wrong about your misgivings. All that time you spent worrying and snooping and sneaking is time that you didn’t spend enjoying and enhancing your relationship.

You’ll be far better of focusing on making the time you spend together stimulating and amazing. Give him reasons to stay, not stray. And when he’s out of your sight, assume that he’s innocent until proven guilty. If you stay relaxed and positive you’ll be able to spot his lies a mile away. Then you can break out the Sherlock Holmes hat. Until that time comes, be brave, be trusting.

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The drawback? That increased communication before the first date can lead to extra excitement over your first in person meeting. Why is that a drawback? Because the extra excitement tends to produce higher than normal expectations which in turn can lead to greater disappointment if things don’t go the way you thought they would.

Often this disappointment is exacerbated by just one unexpected characteristic in your date. Sometimes it’s funny, oftentimes it’s frustrating and it can even be a bit scary. Keep reading so you too can learn how to deal with one of the more common blind date surprises that women experience; he’s not as tall as you were led to believe.

Firstly, this happens far more often than you might think in the land of online dating. After all, his profile was so cute! Cute as in you want to meet his mom! When he proved he could carry a conversation (a definite bonus), you made the decision to meet in person.

You look hot, you’re all nervous and excited and full of anticipation and then you get there; and he’s shorter than you. Which you didn’t know, nor expect. It’s the movie star thing; they look way taller on-screen, both movie and computer.

You feel so letdown! You thought you were a modern woman but when it comes right down to the nitty gritty, you want your guy to look bigger and stronger than you. Not all women feel this way of course; I know plenty who don’t care in the least about their guy’s height.

Now here’s the thing; you’re going on this date anyway. You’re not going to be rude and turn tail and run. Remember the reasons you agreed to go out with him in the first place; all the things you talked about. I don’t care how disappointed you are, you need to keep an open mind. You just might find that he’s absolutely amazing, never mind his height.

Of course attraction plays a large part in any relationship, there’s no getting around that. If you don’t feel that attraction, don’t feel bad about it. But do give it a shot. At the very least you could end up making a new friend, at most he could be the love of your life!

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The fact that your date is nervous can be both charming and frustrating. It’s clear that even though he or she is happy to finally meet you, it’s equally clear that he or she is finding the whole thing a bit overwhelming and intimidating. Which isn’t surprising because you are, after all, totally awesome. But you want them to be relaxed because all those nerves are going to get in the way of getting to know each other.

My approach to this is always direct: very kindly, but directly, tell the other person that you can tell they’re nervous and that you are too (even if you’re not, this is a kind opportunity to tell a little white lie) but that you should both just shrug those feelings aside and try to lighten up and have fun. Then lead by example.

With any luck your date will follow your lead and you can get down to the business of dating. But what if your date doesn’t follow suit? Well, you can only do so much. You’re here to have fun not a therapy session. If your date remains cool, don’t be rude about it, but do plan on making it an early night. There’s one of two things happening here; he or she is always cool and reserved, or they just need more time to warm up.

Okay, you’ve dealt with the nerves and the two of you are actually talking! Congrats. About an hour into the date, you discover that your date is actually a bit of a jerk. No, make that a total jerk.

It’s all a bit mysterious. You know he works with animals and he’s told you lots of stories about his nieces and nephews who love him to pieces, but now that you’ve actually laid eyes on him and have seen the way he treats random strangers; yeah, he’s a jerk. While his emails were sweet and even charming, the way he’s snapping at the waitress and the guy who accidentally bumped into his chair are downright embarrassing.

This is one of those things that you can’t possibly predict from online communication. Sadly, the anger that is currently being directed at others could just as easily be directed at you in the future, and that’s a chance that is just too unsafe to take.

This might sound a little harsh but dating a man like that is like buying a puppy when you already know it’s sick. True, they might all have problems at some point but that shouldn’t stop you from shopping around until you find the one who seems healthiest.

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Discussing these things with your partner before diving in (or cutting loose, or going crazy, or whatever it is you’re about to do) doesn’t make you weak and co-dependent; it makes you a smart, considerate person who is concerned about the health of their relationship, rather than being completely self-serving.

So to make sure you stay on the smart road in your relationship, read on for six things you should definitely consult your sweetie about before making a decision.

Babies

Yes, it’s your body, but before you make a decision that will affect your ability to conceive, you should definitely discuss it with your partner. Whether it’s starting or stopping contraception or choosing a more permanent solution like tubal ligation, your partner will has a vested interest that you need to respect.

The Leftovers

Why anyone would want to eat three days old Chinese takeout is a mystery, but apparently some do. Guaranteed that the minute you throw it out, they’ll want it. The moral here; if it’s not yours ask the owner before throwing it in the garbage.

Major purchases

Even if you’re stocked like a Rockefeller, it’s usually a good bet to run it by your significant other before making any big buys (cars, houses, boats, etc).

Adopting an animal or a child

As tempting as that puppy with the heart breaking little face may be (I know, so cute!), resist the temptation. Just because you’re volunteering at a refugee camp while your sweetie is filming a movie and there’s an orphan there that melts your heart, it’s just not okay to bring home new family members without getting your partner’s blessing first.

Getting a tattoo

With their name on it. Enough said.

Wiping out the Tivo

So you think he or she has watched the latest installment of Curb Your Enthusiasm? But you don’t know this for a fact? Don’t wipe out the Tivo because you’ll be on the fast track to WWIII before you can say Larry David.

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