Although, dating online does have the ability to allow fantasy to override our normal instincts. That’s why just because someone has a seemingly nice looking online profile, the offline reality doesn’t always match.

You will be well served to take advantage of noting down your online conversation in preparation for your first offline date. You certainly have an advantage by gaining valuable insight into important topics concerning your new online date which will well prepare you for the real thing.

It’s hard enough getting to know someone first up, so arrange your first date somewhere more interesting than the standard dinner and movie typical date. Go for a picnic by the river, allow nature to help you bond and overcome your shyness in peaceful surroundings.

Don’t make the mistake of picking a first date venue that doesn’t offer an interesting or stimulating environment. A busy cafe on the main road hardly presents the opportunity for you to make that vital first impression.

The art of conversing is a two-way street. If you see your date has stalled in the chatting game, then it’s time to take over the driving. Ask them questions about themselves and be interested in the answers. Use what you already know about them from when you first met in the singles chat room.

And be open yourself – if a person sees that you’re open, they’re be more likely to be open in return. If conversation has stalled, and it’s possible to change the venue, do so. Getting out in the night air can help. The other tactic is to just be honest and say, “Hey, I’m just a little nervous here, this being the first date, and I’m not sure what to say.” Acknowledging the problem out loud can be a real ice breaker.

One of humanity’s great common denominators is a love of movies and music – they’re great topics to kick-start a conversation. Not so great conversation topics, though, are religion and politics – you don’t want your first date to end in a showdown!

Ask your date what he or she thinks about what you have to say, make them participate in the conversation, but don’t make the conversation all about you.

The very purpose of going on a date is to see what makes the other person tick. So by offering each other your experiences in a fun and light hearted way, sets the scene for stimulation conversation and builds interest. Talk about travel, adventures you’ve been on or about the time you went ski diving or skiing in Canada and do try to avoid talking about your EX!

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Some of the changes will be less obvious especially for men. You’ll be surprised at some of the things that men do for love. Keep reading to see if you recognize yourself;

Television

Gentlemen, if you know how to “smile with your eyes” and appreciate the differences between polka dots and stripes then you’ve clearly been sucked into watching “America’s Next Top Model” which just happens to be your girlfriend’s favorite show. This can have far reaching consequences including scanning the fall premier schedule for the next series premiere.

Letting your money to the talking

Here’s something a lot of guys do. Rather than develop a way with words, they spend, spend, spend their way into their gal pal’s hearts. They think nothing of dropping a big wad of cash on jewelry, perfume and more. And all because they’re not too good at words (or just think they’re not).

Joining her Yoga class

Just like women are under the impression that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, men think that feigning interest in a woman’s hobbies will get them major brownie points. Which is why, when you heard she loves her yoga class, you signed yourself up for a session. Which is also why you find yourself, on a Tuesday night, trying to bend your body in ways it was never meant to go. All the while wondering if you’ve set the PVR for tonight’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model”.

Of course I’ll drive you there.

This is one of those things that starts small and ends up big. Small as in offering to pick her up for dinner at your place. Big as in she’s going out of town for a family visit and you offer to drive her because, well, you love her and want to spend time with her.

Getting into fights

It all goes back to caveman days. The strongest man attracted the women. And so it goes that men think they must have brawn, and be able to use it, to impress the opposite sex. So when the man and the woman are out together and are confronted by a group of thuggish louts commenting on her body, rather than cross the street he’ll wade into the thick of things and damn the consequences!

Moving

This is a difficult one for both men and women. You finally meet someone you think you could have a future with. Then you’re told she’s moving to the next state at the end of the month. You have three choices; a long distance relationship, cut your losses now or start packing because you’re moving too. Tough choices my friends!

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Having said that, I have been in relationships where before you’re really even aware of it, you’re almost living together, and sharing your finances. It can happen so easily; one of you loses your job and the obvious thing for the still employed partner to do is help out. Sometimes you go through the whole “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” routine for so long that who owes what to whom becomes a bit blurred. And faster than you can say “charge it”, you’re a couple with one bank account.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are couples (so I’ve heard, I’ve never met any) who apparently never have issues of mistrust, entitlement or codependence. The more realistic couples (like most of us) know that in order for their relationship to flourish they need a like minded approach to financial harmony.

Make a list, and check it twice

One of the biggest stressors when it comes to cash is when you look up and realize it’s gone without the slightest clue what you could’ve spent it all on. Head this off by having both of you make detailed lists of regular expenses: rent, bills, gym membership, etc.

Also put what you typically spend in a month on things like shopping and going out. Add on there purchases you wish to make, like a kick butt new mountain bike or season tickets to the theater.

Bring it out into the open

Because talking about money can be incredibly stressful a lot of couples simply avoid talking about it altogether. This is akin to burying your head in the sand; the more you avoid the subject, the more of a sore point it will become. So both of you; get over it.

By talking about money frequently, openly, and without immense worry and pressure hanging over the conversation, it can just be something you two talk about, rather than something you perpetually dread talking about.

Go over lists together

Now that you’ve decided you want to share your financial obligations you need to sit down and compare your lists. Figure out which expenses are shared (things like the rent, household bills) and which are not (clothing, among other things). It’s not as easy as it sounds and some of the expenses will need discussing. You might consider your wine club membership to be a necessity, but will your partner?

Make a fresh start

With a bank account built for two (ie a joint account). This is what you’ll use to pay the joint expenses and save for things you both want, like vacations. No matter how lovey dovey your relationship you should always have your own bank account as well. Use it for things like personal items, presents for your honey, donating to charities your partner doesn’t care about, or, worst case scenario, getting out of Dodge if things go sour.

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Say what? This is decidedly not fairy tale material. What is IS is a real life scenario. So what can you do when the person you’re seeing is moving too quickly for comfort. How do you slow a relationship down without ending it?

1. Don’t delay it, just say it

I admit, this one is rather obvious. Just come right out with it. Unfortunately, it seems that most people I know would rather have root canal without the benefit of anesthetic than confront this problem, or any other, head on.

You need to stop and consider the possibility that your latest amour is simply so smitten with you and excited about future prospects that they just got carried away. Flattering to think about right? Okay, back to reality. Take a deep breath and just tell them that they’re moving too fast for your liking. He or she should quickly realize that the two of you aren’t even on the same book, let alone the same page.

2. Be only as available as you are

Some people, as much as they might feel their space being encroached on, will try to keep up with the advanced relationship pace the other person is setting, just to be nice (and after all, we’re assuming that you’re actually pretty into this person; otherwise, why go through all this trouble to figure this out?).

No matter how they feel about their space being encroached upon, some people just go along with the advanced relationship speed being set by the other person. They’re trying to be nice about it because they’re really quite into this person.

So if you want to slow things down to your comfort level, you need to make yourself unavailable at times. If you have to be at work early tomorrow morning, then make it clear you won’t be spending any time together tonight.

If your new significant other tries to invite him or herself out on nights with friends, tell him or her that eventually, that will be cool but for right now, you want to let things incubate in private between you two for a while.

When the speed demon you’re dating makes noises about that dresser drawer or the key to your front door, and you’d rather not take that step just yet, think of a smaller step that you can take. Few of us are blessed with being a smooth talker, so offering an alternative instead of a rejection will definitely lessen the blow. Repeat step one if necessary.

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It is not easy to find that special person and finding someone Jewish is even more difficult. If you want to get married you are probably looking for someone who practices the same religion.

A Jewish dating service is probably the best way for you to meet people other than in person or at social events. The prices really vary a lot and there are various options to choose from.

Online dating and regular dating services are the main choices for singles today. If you want to join a regular Jewish dating service be prepared to spend a lot of money for very few dates. You will usually be able to watch videos of other single members and probably have to go through the interview process. You will then have a matchmaker introduce you to the person you are interested in to see if you two are compatible.

If you need someone to walk you through the dating process, it is better to join a standard Jewish dating service. You will actually have a manager hold your hand through the entire ordeal to help you find someone special. This is ideal if you are short on time or just not very motivated.

Online dating sites are the new Jewish dating service of the 21st century. There are literally thousands of members online and these services really do not cost very much. You are the one who chooses who you meet and contact and you are in complete control.

Most online dating sites let you browse members for absolutely free and you only have to pay if you want to contact someone yourself. All you have to do is fill out a few lines to have access to the browsing area. Then you can view members in a few minutes.

You can generally have a profile up and start skimming other members in one or two minutes. As with all dating sites, an online Jewish dating service will make you pay if you need to contact other members. The smartest thing to do is join every one of them for free at first. Then after you have dated a lot of people, go ahead and join some of the pay sites if you think it will help you find someone special.

Z Q Zimmberg has written another interesting and practical article that you can read before you sign up for anything online, so make sure you check Z Q Zimmbergs blog on a Jewish dating service for the rest of this article. For a very short time visit us to receivemore information and browse a Jewish dating service singles website.

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Quite frankly the biggest favor you can do your single friends is to set them up with someone. If that’s not an option then simply continue being the awesome friend that you are because awesome friends are something that every single gal needs.

In order to keep on being an awesome friend, keep the following off putting suggestions to yourself;

1. “Stop being so picky!”

Well pardon me for looking out for myself! Let’s get real here; everyone can be picky. Granted, dumping a guy for having weird hair might have been a bit much, but all I hear when you tell me stop being so picky is “you should just settle because you’ll never find everything you want.”

Instead, point out specific instances where she maybe was a little hasty in giving a date the boot and kindly suggest that she be a little more forgiving of people being flawed.

2. “You need to relax it a bit”

Think about what you’d hear if someone said this to you. Chances are you’d interpret it as meaning that women with strong personalities are too intimidating for most men and that she has to choose between being an assertive and successful individual or part of a happy twosome.

Chances are, she wants to find someone who respects and loves her strong presence. Try to point out that there’s a fine line between being badass and independent and overly intimidating and unapproachable.

3. “Suck it up and move on”

A period of sadness filled with loneliness and regret usually accompany your friend’s latest breakup. She know it doesn’t make her very much fun to be around, but as her friend it’s your responsibility to be patient and understanding.

It’s not your responsibility to urge her to get back into the dating field before she feels she’s ready. We all heal in our own way, in our own good time. She doesn’t need you to push her out the door before she’s good and ready. What she does need is for you to be there as she makes her way back to the land of the living.

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Most people believe they know themselves best. Taking that thinking one step further, they reason that no one could possibly find potential matches for them. This is erroneous thinking, and here’s why;

1. Lack of time

Instead of putting it all on yourself to find time for your career, your friends, maybe your kids, taking care of yourself and maybe some kind of dating life, trying putting some of it off on other people! Namely, the dating part.

With which you know your friends are dying to help. Don’t be so controlling; let them set you up from time to time. It might be a disaster but it also might not be. Either way, it’s just a date.

2. If things work out

you’ll have a really interesting “how we met” story to tell everyone. Blind date stories are always super romantic; and who doesn’t love a good romance?

3. Our friends know us really well

Often, they know us better than we know ourselves. Seriously. This is an especially important point if you seem to be dating the same (wrong) kind of person over and over again. You might not be getting something about yourself and/or the people you’re picking. Try letting a really good friend give it a goyou might be surprised at what their outside perception yields.

4. Risk-free dating

Any bad date is a downer regardless of who you happen to go out with. The advantage of a blind date gone wrong is that you never have to see this person again. Which is more than can be said for dating a co-worker or that cute gal that lives upstairs. Blind dating takes the everyday out of your dating life, giving you some breathing room.

5. Your options multiply

When you allow your friends and family to make blind date suggestions you are increasing your date potential. On your own you cast only a small net, but collectively your net will be much bigger and reach a wider pool of potential dates.

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It is easier than ever in this day and age to attract exactly the person you are looking for. There have never been more and better opportunities that now. Even more so than even ten years ago. Today is the best time ever to meet your ideal match.

If you lived a hundred or even fifty years ago, your choices of a potential romantic partner would have been particularly limited. Probably, church, school, or somebody your parents chose would be your only options. Since beggars can’t be choosers, people from the old days had to pretty much settle with whatever they got. Not so anymore. But before you get started, there’s a couple of things you’ll need to do.

Your primary task is to make a list of all the qualities you’d like to find in your ideal mate. Physical characteristics, personality characteristics. What their goals and life drams are. What kind of a family they hope to have. The more specific you get, the easier they will be to find.

After that, you’ll need to come up with a list of things about yourself that other people might find interesting. What qualities do you have that others may be looking for in their ideal relationship? Don’t be shy, be generous with yourself. You have a lot to offer.

With these two things taken care of, all you need to do is join one of the many computer dating sites that can help you to find your match. Simply send messages to as many people as you have time for. Spend a few weeks chatting online, and if it feels right, meet up in person. Before you know it you will have the person of your dreams at your side.

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Whether we’re your girlfriend, your date or your best gal pal, we’ve stood by and watched you do it all. Now it’s time for some practical advice about what you’re doing wrong. And after you read this you’re never going to do them again, right?

1. Paying more attention to the TV than your serious conversation

Things like the tv, video games, texting, playing online games etc take your attention away from the conversation at hand, and that’s never a good idea. Your lady friend is going to think you’re the bees knees if you give her your undivided attention. So find the off switch and use it.

2. Lying about your relationship status to yourself and others

If you know the type of relationship you want, that’s great; just make sure the rest of us know too. If being in a monogamous relationship isn’t your thing, then once again, you need to fill us in. Granted, women frequently use the “boyfriend” word too soon, but just as often, men avoid it like the plague.

If you’re spending lots of time with one chick, have had sleepovers, she’s met your buddies and maybe you’ve met hers and you aren’t currently doing these things with other people; you have a girlfriend. Sorry. If you don’t like it, change it.

3. Questioning the purpose of flowers

Or other little things that women like that seem really illogical to you. Yes, we know flowers will die in a few days and that, in principle, spending money on them is silly. But we love them. And more than that, we love that you got them for us. And even more than that, don’t bring reason into the arena of small emotional pleasures.

Your girl likes what she likes and you should be less concerned with breaking down the why and focusing more on the how as in how it makes her feel and how it makes you look awesome.

4. Double standards are a two way street

I’ve got to say, men are worse about this than women. I’m not one for making gross over-generalizations, but this is truth. You don’t want your girl so much as looking at another dude when you’re out but if she shows the slightest sign of jealousy over your all out flirt-fest with a hot bartenders, you rant about how it didn’t mean anything and you still need to be allowed to have a conversation and blah blah blah. We know. We get it. But if you want, you’ve got to give. That’s all we’re saying.

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Of course in order for a couple to function efficiently, you should play to each other’s strengths and weaknesses. For instance, my boyfriend is terrible at remembering birthdays while I keep a meticulous calendar. That’s doesn’t make me his doormat, it just makes us a smart couple. I remind him about upcoming birthdays he needs to remember and he goes shopping.

Which led me to ponder the fine line between being an awesome and supportive girlfriend and being a doormat (or making him your doormat). To that end, here are two key areas where you need to be careful.

Do: Stand by your man Don’t: Take over his battles

It’s one thing to literally stand by your man when, say, you’re at a (his) family function and he suddenly gets into it with his mom about whether or not his chosen career path is a waste of his time leading to ultimate failure and misery. Hell, even if you agree with her, in this instance, have your dude’s back

I know you want his family and his mother in particular, to like you. But you need to remember that you’re on his team. That’s why you’re there. If he wants your opinion on the matter you can tell him later, in private. In the face of opposition however, solidarity is called for.

Having said that, don’t fight his battles for him. Resist the urge to jump in there like you’re his representative or something. While you might think you’re doing him a favor, in reality you’re going from supportive to emasculating.

Do: Place your trust in him Don’t: Be foolish

I’ve always felt that it’s much easier to be the jealous type than the trusting type. The jealous type gets to indult in a daily dose of insecurity. While it may be easier, the cost is high. Spending your days trying to catch your man doing goodness knows what with goodness know who is a guaranteed to drive you nuts. Plus it’ll send your relationship into a tailspin from which it won’t recover.

Unless the guy you’re dating is a serial jerk and has a history of bad behavior, chances are you’re wrong about your misgivings. All that time you spent worrying and snooping and sneaking is time that you didn’t spend enjoying and enhancing your relationship.

You’ll be far better of focusing on making the time you spend together stimulating and amazing. Give him reasons to stay, not stray. And when he’s out of your sight, assume that he’s innocent until proven guilty. If you stay relaxed and positive you’ll be able to spot his lies a mile away. Then you can break out the Sherlock Holmes hat. Until that time comes, be brave, be trusting.

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